Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize