now i know why i became what i already was.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
