remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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