drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
