Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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