i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
