i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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