Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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