You made me cry and you don't even care
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There's always time for handjobs
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
