Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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