Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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