Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
