You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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