Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My life is pants optional.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
