I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
