I'll bet she douches with gravy.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
