evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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