I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
