Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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