then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
