The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
