Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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