remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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