I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
