Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
