I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
