I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
please come you make the beer taste better
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
