I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
