she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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