i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
