I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Two words: blizzard sex
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
