I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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