i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
