If that was your dad, he is hot
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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