Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
