Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
