fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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