did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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