I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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