You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
