I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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