she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize