my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
