Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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