I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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