I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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