I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
