she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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