So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
