so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
