I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
