why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She bit a glass in half.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
