she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
