I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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