i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
