God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
