so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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