she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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