Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
