Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Randomize
