just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
