you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
