Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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