i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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