You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
