God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
