i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So here I am, sexting at work.
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