I want to stick my p in your. b.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
