Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
