Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
