I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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