I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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