why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
