we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
